I’m sure most of us will have these posts – Emma already had her gratitude post and L. Williams has what she’s thankful for each day. As this is my first year blogging, and my first year of having a huge, set goal since I was fifteen, this is a bit of a reflective post.
I have to admit when I saw that little divot in Amber’s stifle joint on the x-ray, my heart sunk. My dreams and goals of entering eventing started fizzling before me. But I knew, even before I asked the vet what he thought, that if he said no jumping, that’s what I’d do. I’d do lessons for myself, but I’d find something else for Amber and I to do. I’d continue english, perhaps mosey into dressage, but I wouldn’t jump her.
Relief was part of it when we were talking about management plans and when he said jumping was okay – but honestly, I was just determined that while we could, we’d make the most of it and be sound and healthy while we were at it. I want my first eventing experiences on Amber. She’s game, smart, extremely sensible, she likes jumping, and I trust her with my life. There’s really no other horse I’d rather start new things on than her.
So I’m extremely thankful the diagnosis while a bit jarring is still very promising.
Strange as it may sound, it was a weird feeling to bring my western saddle inside, place my bridle next to it and give it a “till next time” nod. I’ve ridden western since 2004 and have loved it (still do), so to put it away almost felt like closing a chapter. Like I was putting a part of myself away. Yet as sad as I felt, I also didn’t feel sad. I wasn’t putting it away to forget about it, or to not want anything to do with it anymore. It was just…a pause. After feeling lost for quite a few years, this year I had the goal to event. I haven’t had a goal like this since I decided I wanted to be a horse trainer when I was fifteen. The past few years have been a never-ending question of where now? And suddenly I was watching Rolex, and the idea to event festered in my brain almost all of last year. I read blogs, I followed along with people’s quiet adventures, and I realized I could do this, too. So I decided to start a completely different discipline, and in doing so I rediscovered my passion for horses and the horse people around me. I rediscovered what it felt like to have an all-encompassing goal and to go headlong into it. I’ve rediscovered the partnership Amber and I have – growing and competing together – when we had quite a few years where she was on the back burner.
I’m inexplicably thankful that finding eventing, finding this blogger community, and putting myself out there to overcome my fears has been integral to my healing process.
While I am of course thankful for my horsey mom, my family, my friends who have all been supportive of me in everything, it’s really been a generic thankfulness every day. Just thankfulness for life, for new purpose, for everything.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.