On thankfulness

I’m sure most of us will have these posts – Emma already had her gratitude post and L. Williams has what she’s thankful for each day. As this is my first year blogging, and my first year of having a huge, set goal since I was fifteen, this is a bit of a reflective post.

Initial fitting. Love the bridle but the color is….not my fav on her lol

I have to admit when I saw that little divot in Amber’s stifle joint on the x-ray, my heart sunk. My dreams and goals of entering eventing started fizzling before me. But I knew, even before I asked the vet what he thought, that if he said no jumping, that’s what I’d do. I’d do lessons for myself, but I’d find something else for Amber and I to do. I’d continue english, perhaps mosey into dressage, but I wouldn’t jump her.

So cute ❤

Relief was part of it when we were talking about management plans and when he said jumping was okay – but honestly, I was just determined that while we could, we’d make the most of it and be sound and healthy while we were at it. I want my first eventing experiences on Amber. She’s game, smart, extremely sensible, she likes jumping, and I trust her with my life. There’s really no other horse I’d rather start new things on than her.

So I’m extremely thankful the diagnosis while a bit jarring is still very promising.

Strange as it may sound, it was a weird feeling to bring my western saddle inside, place my bridle next to it and give it a “till next time” nod. I’ve ridden western since 2004 and have loved it (still do), so to put it away almost felt like closing a chapter. Like I was putting a part of myself away. Yet as sad as I felt, I also didn’t feel sad. I wasn’t putting it away to forget about it, or to not want anything to do with it anymore. It was just…a pause. After feeling lost for quite a few years, this year I had the goal to event. I haven’t had a goal like this since I decided I wanted to be a horse trainer when I was fifteen. The past few years have been a never-ending question of where now? And suddenly I was watching Rolex, and the idea to event festered in my brain almost all of last year. I read blogs, I followed along with people’s quiet adventures, and I realized I could do this, too. So I decided to start a completely different discipline, and in doing so I rediscovered my passion for horses and the horse people around me. I rediscovered what it felt like to have an all-encompassing goal and to go headlong into it. I’ve rediscovered the partnership Amber and I have – growing and competing together – when we had quite a few years where she was on the back burner.

After only 1 coat of oil – darkening nicely!

I’m inexplicably thankful that finding eventing, finding this blogger community, and putting myself out there to overcome my fears has been integral to my healing process.

While I am of course thankful for my horsey mom, my family, my friends who have all been supportive of me in everything, it’s really been a generic thankfulness every day. Just thankfulness for life, for new purpose, for everything.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

8 Comments on “On thankfulness

  1. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! And i love the lund bridle on her even in current color, i love how the trim matches her pretty color 🙂

    I am excited to follow you as you enter eventing with gusto!! 😉

    Like

  2. LOVE the Lund bridle on her, esp after oiling.

    I know all about changing disciplines for the horse vs my own goals. In a way, it’s pretty fun and leads you down some pretty cool roads.

    happy thanksgiving!

    Like

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